Today has to probably be one of the worst days of my whole life.
I worked a 12pm-8pm shift today at work. It’s my 4th week at work and my 1st week administering medication. Yesterday, I was left on the flat on my own for the whole day. I have actually only done a total of 13 shifts.
Today I was left with the money keys from my flat and the other flat upstairs. I was on my shift with an agency staff who cannot do the notes for the clients and on the other flat, the staff on there were not allowed to check the money due to being a band 2 rather than 3 or higher.
I got home this evening and after having my dinner I suddenly got the most heart wrenching realisation that I had not given my patients their 6 o’clock medication. It was 8:30pm.
I rang my work as soon as I possibly could, I was trying to get through to the shift lead for 20 minutes. When I finally got through, this is how the conversation went:
“Shirley, I’m really sorry to ring but I have an awful feeling that I haven’t done the 6 o’clock medication. I’m really sorry, I’ve only just realised. One of the patients were screaming and another attempted to self harm after dinner. And then I had to go to the other flat to do the money and didn’t finish that until 7:45pm. What happens now? Will I get a disciplinary?”
“Yeah you probably will”
“Oh shit, I just feel crap. I can’t believe I forgot, I just had loads to do after dinner and there wasn’t really any staff”
“Right what I’ll do, I’ll give them the medication you forgot to give. At weekends, everyone usually wakes up very late anyway so it’s not too bad if they have their medication later”
Now I’m not being an absolute arse but I seriously wish she hadn’t said she’d cover. I want to tell my manager. I don’t care if I get a disciplinary. It’s my fault. I’ve done it wrong. I forgot to give the meds. I don’t deserve to be a nurse. I’m actually shit.
I seriously just wish I would just die tonight in my sleep.
I can’t face the fact that tomorrow I’ll just be put in charge of the flat again and I just don’t deserve that much responsibility.
I’m a shit nurse and I seriously just wish I wasn’t one.
Why couldn’t I just have a job doing an office job.