Overthinking

Recently I have noticed that I’ve been overthinking pretty much everything.

Things people say, looks people give, things people do.

As a girl, overthinking happens quite a lot for me.

I think overthinking is actually a person’s self conscious and low self esteem coming out in everyday life.

This week, I had made plans with three separate friends. Lunch on Monday, Dinner Tuesday and Lunch on Friday. I’ve been looking forward to all of these since last week until Monday morning when friend 1 cancelled.

That’s not a bad thing you’re thinking. It’s just a cancellation. This happens all the time. But then I get another cancellation.

So I’ve gone down from 3 girly days to 1.

So then my crazy inner girl kicks in.

Maybe they don’t want to be your friend? Maybe they don’t like you? Have you done something? Did you upset them? Have they been talking about me and planned not to meet up with me on purpose?!

So that’s how it happens. You sit there on your own for half an hour overthinking a coincidence and turn into a paranoid high school girl.

This situation made me start actually thinking about things realistically. A kick in the teeth so to say.

I’m grown up. An adult. With adult friends. Who have lives.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t see each other all the time, but you’re still there for each other.

Today I went into work and had a bit of a mini breakdown. I started crying for no reason. I rationalized and came to the conclusion that I hadn’t actually cried since my mum and sister left nearly a month ago.

I’ve been so emotional but haven’t let myself express it that it’s been blocked inside with no escape. This is why I’ve been paranoid and upset that my friends cancelled.

Not because they don’t want to be my friend. But because I’m trying not to think about missing home and the littlest things are getting to me.

So I’ve decided to embrace the present and start enjoying things a little more.

I have half an hour before leaving for my dinner with my friend Mallory from work and I’m excited and happy to at least have this one thing to do.

Overthinking sucks.

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